It looks like you installed XFCE Desktop, which is a Desktop intended for Desktop computers, not servers. Since it is intended for Desktop computers it disables SSH by default. I tried to reinstall SSH for you, but apt is completely broken too, so nothing cane be installed or uninstalled. The CPU is pegged at 100%, the memory usage is at 100%, and most of the swap is in use too, so it took me about 30 minutes to even reboot it.
We recommend doing a free rebuild to start over and reinstall the OS. Since you can't even access the VPS yourself right now, we would have to do that for you. Do you need any files saved before we wipe it?