NRG Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 What Not To Put On Your Application For Employment NAME: Greg Bulmash DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place. DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle-management hostility. SALARY: Less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?" HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Living in Bimini with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise. SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quantum Media LLC Posted August 6, 2007 Share Posted August 6, 2007 Nice, thats pretty cute. I wouldnt hire ya though Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RelaxRelapse Posted August 7, 2007 Share Posted August 7, 2007 What Not To Put On Your Application For Employment NAME: McLovin s3x: No thank you DESIRED POSITION: Umm... Does it matter what Sexual Position I Desire? DESIRED SALARY: 1 Billion Dollars Mwahahaha... Thank you Dr. Evil EDUCATION: Some LAST POSITION HELD: Well... Do you really need to know that? SALARY: Whatever comes in my Birthday Card MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: Writing This REASON FOR LEAVING: I got Drunk... While Reading... and got fired... thats it... HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: less than 1 PREFERRED HOURS: 12:00 - 12:01 DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: I can touch my nose while drunk MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: No DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: possibly DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I got a skateboard dude.. HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I was the first person to play the COPS theme song while getting a ticket DO YOU SMOKE?: Well there was that time I sprayed an aerosol can at me with a match... not the smartest thing to do... WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Watching TV DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes, but for all you know I was lying to you for not lying to you for telling the truth which I did not do... SIGN HERE: $ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karath Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 What the randomness... haha I bet it's like NO! NO! NO! Nice... where did you find these... or did you make them up? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rod91 Posted August 12, 2007 Share Posted August 12, 2007 HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: My mom said I was the most special person ever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karath Posted August 13, 2007 Share Posted August 13, 2007 Oh my goodness... that was just plain bad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RelaxRelapse Posted August 14, 2007 Share Posted August 14, 2007 I made mine up... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trons Posted August 15, 2007 Share Posted August 15, 2007 Haha that was the funniest thing I have ever heard I was laughing all the way down for both of them, Thanks for the laughs I would of Hired both of you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marc. Posted August 19, 2007 Share Posted August 19, 2007 If I was looking to sabotage a business, I'd hire the both of you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
santa Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 lol that is funny, docter evil rocks the friggin car with laser beams man! lol , but did you make them up :0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joemama718 Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 No, the first one I've seen awhile ago...the second one might have been. Still got a few chuckles out of me, though... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoulFlayerX Posted November 11, 2007 Share Posted November 11, 2007 Hahahaha awesome. I have seen that before but it's still plain funny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelso Posted November 11, 2007 Share Posted November 11, 2007 That's hilarious! Remind me to make sure MINE doesn't sound like that, okay? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
infinity Posted November 12, 2007 Share Posted November 12, 2007 ROFL! I think I would have hired the first. I should think about getting a job soon... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XPlumpedXLipsXandXArsenicX Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 Nice! I have this odd feeling my brothers job applications look like that... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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